Smile: You're under arrest
In Minneapolis, on book tour with Dave (Barry), he convinced me that you could "smuggle" your forbidden toothpaste through security by placing it in the front pocket of your jeans. So I did it.
I set of the alarms. I was "wanded." They found a pen. Some change. And then...
THE TOOTHPASTE!!
and the TSA agent made noises like he favored taking me away to wherever you're taken to when TSA thinks you're a terrorist. Thankfully his superior intervened -- took a look at the toothpaste and told him to throw it out and let me go, or I might still be in lock-up somewhere, trying to get a lawyer before they fly me to Syria for "debriefing."
Live and learn. My teeth might look yellow, but I'm still on book tour.
Ridley
I set of the alarms. I was "wanded." They found a pen. Some change. And then...
THE TOOTHPASTE!!
and the TSA agent made noises like he favored taking me away to wherever you're taken to when TSA thinks you're a terrorist. Thankfully his superior intervened -- took a look at the toothpaste and told him to throw it out and let me go, or I might still be in lock-up somewhere, trying to get a lawyer before they fly me to Syria for "debriefing."
Live and learn. My teeth might look yellow, but I'm still on book tour.
Ridley
posted by Ridley at 6:52 PM
25 Comments:
Ridley, helloooo - you're travelling with a prank addict! I'm surprised you actually listened to him. Maybe that's why he likes you.
Sorry I missed you in LA, but tonight was my night to moisturize the dog. I saw the RBRs play last April at UCLA. I was the one who brought the cookies - not sure if you got any. I think Sophie was in charge of distribution.
oops - one more thing -
Water travels in a cycle yes it does!
Question (from a non-American)
What does Minnesota have against out-of-state toothpaste?
Also hehehehehehe.
Lucky for you they didn't search your luggage and find your cape and giant mustache! Then you really would have been in trouble!
Since we lost our "questions for Ridley" entry, today's question:
When you are contemplating your next book, how do you decide if you are going to write a stand-alone or a Boldt book? Do you have a plot line first, and decide which format will best support it, or do you just feel more excited about (or tired of) one format vs the other? Or contractual obligations? Other?
Kaf, we have things here called "laws." One of those laws (the Interstate Commerce Act of 1917) prohibits the transportation of certain sundries across state lines for purposes of oral hygiene. Do I have to explain everything to you?
So which smells worse - your teeth, or Dave's armpits (since his Ban was banned)?
Beebs, not everything, just the transportation of oral hygiene equipment over state lines. That may be one of the more ..ummm... how to put this diplomatically... assinine pieces of legislation that I've heard in a while.
Also, what are these "laws" of which you speak?
Dave smells like ... well... a woman... a bit feminine ... because he's traveling with SECRET deodorant. I think he thought if he chose that brand had the word secret in it avoid detection.
Ridley
Jamer:
The selection of Boldt/stand alone does have a lot to do with both location and the nature of the plot.
I'll post another question section.
R
I keep picturing Dave standing there in his "toothpasteless" pants snickering, and have to wonder, did your mother never warn you about friends like that?
I've been seeing more and more of those machines that dispense hand sanitizer. My grocery store even has a dispenser for sanitizing hand wipes right next to the grocery carts.
I'm thinking (in light of current flight restrictions), maybe the next step is hotel rooms that have deodorant and toothpaste dispensers. OR how about disposable toothbrushes that have the toothpaste already in it!!! (Just remember you read it here first!)
So then, you brush your teeth and throw away the brush and before you put on your shirt, you push the button and get a spray from the deodorant dispenser.
No? Oh well, it was just a passing thought.
While my 75 yr old mother was being wanded and probed for committing the offense of trying to get through security with an artificial knee, I inadvertently snuck a combination knife/corkscrew weapon past the screeners.
But my toothpaste and Mitchum were in my checked luggage so as not to endanger the rest of the passengers.
Has anyone noticed that the blog clock is wrong?
*ducks*
Yeah, the Blog Clock is on Siberian time or something.
I am singlehandedly supporting the toothpaste industry -- if there is a toothpaste industry.
Ridley
Oh my you guys are funny! I can't believe Ridley would listen to Dave! Thats one of the funniest things I've ever heard... I'm also sorry I missed you in LA. I had to moisturize my cat (actually I got sick and couldn't go).
Ridley.. Dave posted a pic of his Secret deodorant over at his blog! It looks far more butch than it sounds.. I think facial hair makes the difference.
Would Brush-Ups be the answer -- or is that letting the terrorists win?
BrushUps.. fighting the war against terror and bad breath.
I may have a new hero.
We took the shot of the Secret and Stach on the hood of our driver's car on the way to the Tattered Cover. Last stop on book tour. Next stop is Disney World on Wednesday. Thursday the state of Florida tries to break a Guiness World Book of Records (most people reading the same book at the same time) when students in Florida simultaneously read Peter and the Starcatchers. Dave and I are asked to bring our pirate gear... so I need my moustache back.
At least you know it will smell good when you do get it!
Sly-I forgot about those Brush- Ups. They're pretty good. I don't know how they'd do over an extended period of time though. Maybe they'll make a new version w/bristles.
It's probably a good thing the TSA official has not read your crime fiction...he would never have stopped at the contraband toothpaste hidden in plain, er, touch.
I don't think you'd have been able to *get* a lawyer before deportation to that special debriefing locale. I shudder to think what you might have disclosed re threats, say, to the railroad industry (Parallel Lies comes to mind).
Hmmm. The next Lou Boldt book might have been scribbled on the walls...or worse. (g)
It's probably a good thing the TSA official has not read your crime fiction...he would never have stopped at the contraband toothpaste hidden in plain, er, touch.
I don't think you'd have been able to *get* a lawyer before deportation to that special debriefing locale. I shudder to think what you might have disclosed re threats, say, to the railroad industry (Parallel Lies comes to mind).
Hmmm. The next Lou Boldt book might have been scribbled on the walls...or worse. (g)
Yikes. I just saw that my post was tripled. I kept getting an error message that indicated the post wasn't getting through. Mea culpa.
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